Boss: So 2020, it says here you started with us in January. Is that correct?
2020: Yes.
Boss: And would it be fair to say that there’s been some issues right from day 1?
2020: You mean the bushfires?
Boss: Well yes, amongst others. 34 people dead, 1 billion animals killed, 186,000 kilometres of land destroyed. $5 billion in damages. Not the best of starts, was it?
2020: No. But that wasn’t all me. Some of it was 2019’s fault.
Boss: Yes I know. And that’s why 2019 is no longer with us. Let’s just focus on you shall we?
2020: O.k.
Boss: So what happened next? Ah yes, Coronavirus. Over 100,000 deaths, 1/5th of the world’s population in lockdown, millions of job losses. Jesus Christ, 2020!!!. You’ve only been here 4 months.
2020: I know. I’m sorry.
Boss: And already the whole place is demoralised, productivity is down, and everyone’s shitting themselves about what you’re going to do next.
2020: They said that?
Boss: No, I was paraphrasing. What they actually said is you’re the worst one they’ve ever experienced and they can’t wait to see the back of you.
2020: I didn’t think I was that bad.
Boss: C’mon 2020. Since you started we’ve had bushfires, locust plagues in E. Africa, the volcano in the Philippines, Kobe’s crash, Ukrainian passenger plane crash, and now the Coronavirus. And it’s only April.
2020: So am I being fired?
Boss: I’m afraid so. It’s a real pity. We all had such high hopes when you started. What with you being a new decade and all.
2020: But I’ve still got 8 months left on my contract.
Boss: Not anymore, 2020. In fact, we’ve already found your replacement. Sarah, get 2021 on the phone for me, will you? We may need him to start a bit earlier than expected.
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