1. You can’t say you’re unemployed.
You are actually open to new opportunities.
The first one carries with it the desperate taint of failure and rejection.
Whilst the second one, well, that glosses over the fact you are jobless, useless and feckless and instead positions you as an optimistic and forward-thinking go-getter. Still unemployed of course, but in a more positive manner.
2. You can’t have gaps in your CV.
A gap suggests that at various points in your career, you have not been wanted by an employer.
That may indeed be the case, but apparently it is deeply shameful and needs to be hidden at all costs.
Apparently, your CV should reflect an inexorable growth from day one to well, right now.
It must show that you have been in constant demand, moving smoothly and without any significant downtime to bigger jobs, clients, agencies and awards.
Any gap in this ‘march of progress’ suggests frailty, weakness of character and loss of purpose.
Never mind that you used those times to recover from ridiculous hours, never-ending deadlines, personal tragedies or debilitating stress.
Never mind that you used those times to try and connect with yourself, recharge your batteries and grow as a human being.
Instead, you are reliably informed, you should rejig your resume so that these glaring and abhorrent patches of weakness are completely eradicated.
3. You can’t say you want to work here cause you need money.
In 99% of cases, the above answer is the right one. It’s just that you can’t say it.
Instead, you have to articulate some inane bullshit about how you want to take the next step in your career journey. Or that the job is the embodiment of all your earthly desires and the sole reason you were placed on the planet.
NB. I’ve tried saying the money thing in an interview and believe me, it does not fly. The interviewer took umbrage, and our meeting came to an abrupt and screeching halt.
4. You can’t say how old you are.
I’m 53. But my resume suggests I’m some sort of Peter Pan, forever stuck in my early 40s.
It would seem this is the upper age of what is deemed desirable by a prospective employer. Any older and you start to lose your smarts, become prohibitively expensive and dangerously inclined to say what you think.
5. You can’t just be content to be a copywriter.
Doesn’t matter if you have already had a career as a CD, digital CD and an ECD. You have to keep moving forward. If you not progressing then you must, ipso facto, be stagnating.
How can you be happy without a career path? How can you not want to be the boss? How can you not wish to relentlessly pursue awards?
Believe me, this perceived absence of ‘ambition’ is viewed with deep mistrust. Employers seem unable to comprehend the fact someone might just want to do a job (and do it well) without any associated career advancement.
Me, I just want to write and get paid for it. That is the level of my career I am at now and that is the level where I have found the most joy. Certainly not the most money, but I’ll take joy over money any day of the week.
Jeremy is an old, money-motivated copywriter based out of Sydney, who is looking to maintain his career exactly where it is now. If you would like to hire his services purely on fiscal grounds, then you can reach him at jeremys2211@gmail.com
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