The other day, and more from force of habit than any real conviction they might yield me something, I was perusing some of the more well-known job sites online.
And as I trawled through them a pattern started to emerge, nebulous at first but becoming more sharply defined as I continued.
Almost without exception, each job ad had a veritable shopping list of requirements for the “lucky” copywriter.
These included: - (and this is a hugely curtailed list btw)
- 10+ years’ copywriting experience in a fast-paced environment.
- A positive can-do attitude.
- A motivated self-starter who can work autonomously or in a team.
- Examples of work in all formats from t.v to social media captions.
- An agile and fearless storyteller.
- Strong attention to detail
- Ability to process large volumes of information from different sources.
- Strong editing, conceptual and proofreading skills
- Knowledge of online content strategy and creation.
- Wins at Cannes, One Show, D&AD or Clio.
- Versed in Word, Excel, Adobe Acrobat, HTML, CSS & Javascript.
- A role model, a mentor and a leader to younger creatives.
- A proven ability at winning pitches.
And below it, a list of what the agencies were offering in return.
- An attractive salary.
Now, is it just my imagination, or is one list just a teensy bit bigger than the other?
Or, to put it another way, are agencies asking for a lot and giving very little?
I dunno about the rest of you, but I want to find out a bit more about this attractive salary. If it’s so attractive, why haven’t you put down a number?
And, when you say ‘attractive’ what precisely does that mean? Beauty is, after all, very much in the eye of the beholder and we may have quite different ideas as to what constitutes attractiveness.
If I’m to mortgage my health, my social life and possibly my relationship, and spend the next four years in a state of almost perpetual anxiety and exhaustion, then this salary needs to be a fuck sight more than attractive.
Really, it should be an astonishingly beautiful salary, with smouldering good looks and cheekbones to die for. A salary with houses in the Hamptons and Monte Carlo. Perhaps even a private yacht.
Anyhow, in the interests of starting off on a fair and equitable footing, I have compiled a list of what I require in my next agency.
Hey, you did, why can’t I?
So here, in no particular order, are my requirements: -
- A low- pressure, slow-paced work environment.
- A ‘proven’ 10+ year history of providing a fun and rewarding work environment.
- Co-workers who are just co-workers. Not a tight-knit and loyal family, not a passionate and audacious collection of super-achievers. Just a bunch of people I can work with and, for the most part, get along with.
- Clients that don’t behave like imperious and capricious demi-gods.
- Ample budgets and generous timelines.
- A realisation that the best insights often come from those grey-haired, long-in-the-tooth curmudgeons who have actually spent an appreciable amount of time on this planet.
- A steady stream of award-winning briefs, ripe with well-considered strategies, detailed insights and a wealth of relevant information.
I have other requirements of a more corporeal nature such as a well-stocked bar fridge, ample parking, and a comfortable chair with additional back support, but we can discuss those more when you have your first interview.
So, think you have what it takes to be my next agency? Then I’d love to hear from you. Simply tell me, in 200 words or less why you are the right agency for me.
I will then set you an unpaid task to reassure myself that you are indeed the right applicant for the job. Something in the order of a free lunch at Tetsuya’s or a couple of nights in the Park Hyatt. Please note. Only the successful agency will be notified. The rest of you will be left in the dark, wondering what the fuck happened.
Sound familiar?
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