From
Strider, Baggins & Gloin,
Attorneys at Law
Date: 13th July 2020
Re: Trademark Infringement – Cease and Desist
Dear Sydney advertising agencies,
It has been brought to our attention by our client, Gandalf The Grey, (also referred to as Mithrandir) that you are making unauthorized use of the word Wizard in your job posts.
Under Middle Earth registration laws, the word Wizard can only be used by those who have achieved proficiency in the following areas.
- Ability to conjure and control fire
- Control over water
- Spells of enchantment
- Lightning flashes and explosions
- Telepathy and foresight
Currently, the Middle Earth Necromancy Guild recognizes the rights of only 5 Wizards (The Istari) to pursue the Arcane Arts.
Excepting these five, no other person can legally call themselves, or be called, a Wizard.
To further clarify:
A Wizard shall not be deemed as a person (or persons) who:-
- Is “crazy-good” at schmoozing clients
- “Slays” it in presentations and pitches
- Is “Lit AF” on Adobe Suite
- Knows a shit-ton about Social Media
We hereby demand that you immediately cease and desist in the use of the word Wizard in these contexts, as they are wilful and egregious misrepresentations of the Istari brand.
Our client quite reasonably resents that someone who kills it on InDesign is being compared to a celestial being who has slain a Balrog of Moria.
If you fail to comply with the aforementioned demand(s) within 30 days, we will have no choice but to pursue all legal causes of action.
We would like to remind you that it is most certainly in your best interests to have this issue settled amicably. Our client, Gandalf the Grey, is of an uncertain temper and is liable to cast a highly unpleasant spell that could seriously impact both your work and home life.
Our senior associate, Geoff, found this out to his cost, when an injunction lodged against the actor, Ian Mckellen, failed to prevent him from impersonating our client in a movie.
In retribution, Gandalf placed a spell upon Geoff which results in him laying an egg every morning at 10am.
This has proved to be highly inconvenient as we now have to shift many of our morning meetings to later in the day.
On the plus side, however, it does provide our staff with a warm and nutritious breakfast.
We hope and expect to hear from you within the next 14 days.
Sincerely,
A. Strider
Managing Partner
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