It’s time to bring back Wank Word Bingo.
Although the game was originally invented many years ago, it has sadly fallen into disuse over the last decade.
But now, with there being such a rich lexicon of meaningless marketing bullshit out there, a comeback is surely on the cards.
For those of you unfamiliar with this glorious game, the rules are simplicity itself.
Simply print off this handy WANK CARD containing quite a few, but not all (it would have to be the size of a fucking football pitch to fit them all in) of the latest and most overused buzzwords. Customise and update the card as societal trends dictate.
Select 5 buzzwords or phrases that you think the client will most likely drop during the meeting.
It can be a single buzzword like ninja, bandwidth, disruption, ecosystem, synergy, optimising etc
Or for those who like to play their WWB at a more advanced level, you can select some two or even three-part phrases such as content is king, customer journey, deep dive, digital transformation, take it offline, low-hanging fruit etc.
As the meeting progresses, and the client rolls out their well-meaning but inane expressions, simply tick off 5 wank words.
Useful tip:
Make sure you pay close attention to what the client is saying. You never know when the next meaningless buzzword is going to drop!!!!
Bonus by-product:
The client will be thrilled at the new levels of attentiveness being displayed by the agency. They don’t need to know of course that you are waiting, with bated breath, for the next linguistic turd to pass their lips.
When you have the five, throw your pen down and yell out WANK WORD BINGO at the top of your voice.
If you feel particularly amped you can accompany this by pumping the air with your fist or hi-fiving the Person sitting next to you.
Revel briefly in your moment of triumph. For undoubtedly it will be brief.
The client is almost certainly going to be singularly unimpressed at being ridiculed in this manner.
In fact, in all likelihood, they will fire the agency on the spot.
This, in turn, will lead to you having a highly unpleasant meeting with your MD or CEO.
At this point you are already pretty much terminally fucked. So why not go down with all guns blazing and play another round of WWB in this meeting as well.
You’ll need to be on your game for this one. This meeting will be super- short, and words will be coming at you at you with the velocity of machine gun bullets. So perhaps just select 2 or 3 words for your WWB game.
When you reach your target and yell out WANK WORD BINGO your boss will most definitely lose his/her shit.
Be prepared for a short sharp summary of your personality delivered at a high rate of decibels.
To the uninitiated this can be just the teensiest bit scary, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself dealing with an elevated heart rate and an almost overwhelming urge to flee from the room. There may even be a suspicion of moisture around your eyes.
But oh, what a glorious finale. Givin a finger to da man right up till the end.
You will forever be immortalised in the annals of advertising folklore and be spoken of in hushed tones at agency shindigs for years to come.
And hey, even if you’re not, you will at least have something to talk about when you’re on your break with the other shelf stackers at Coles.
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